When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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