I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
