I can text with my tongue
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
