guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
