I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
