I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
