If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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