I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
