Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
