i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
