i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wear drunk well.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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