Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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