bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
