last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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