I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this boner is exhausting
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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