i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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