so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
