just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
