Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
