Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
