My friends, they love my intelligence
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
