I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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