You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
