Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
