That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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