when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Randomize
