it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
