I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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