Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
