I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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