The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
