Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
