I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
