Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
