3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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