i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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