Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
