He uses pillows to masturbate.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
