i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
