If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
