i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
