You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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