he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
