it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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