just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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