A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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