We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
