@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
