You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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