My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
