before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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