This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
