We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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