Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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