you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
