Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
