I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
