Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
